The Beautiful Nest…
I haven’t moved just yet but I felt compelled to do another post. I couldn’t wait:) Bear with me….I am struggling with moving from California…excitement, wonder, denial, fear….it’s all mixed up in one lovely emotional bundle that I am open heartedly throwing my arms around. Last week I dipped my toe into moving back to my hometown when I flew back for the 1 year anniversary of my Mom’s death. I wanted to be with my Dad and family during this time. I had not been back since my Mom’s memorial. As I pulled into the driveway I expected my Mom to be peering out of the window and make her way out to the driveway to embrace me in a giant hug. As I made my way into the house I expected to see her, hear her, feel her. As my friends and family know I am not shy when it comes to “energy” … I could feel my Mom’s energy - I knew she was there with me.
As I put my suitcase down my Dad insisted on going into town for dinner. Town consists of basically two main eating establishments….I asked my Dad to give me a moment so I could pull myself together after the long day of flying. I kept my hat on (thank god as there is a reason for this) threw on jeans and off we went. We walked into the restaurant and we were taken out to the back patio overlooking the water - I was thrilled…that is until I looked up and realized were being seated immediately next to the boy that I lost my virginity to. Enter awkward moment. I looked at him, he looked at me - no words were spoken as I gently lowered my hat and sank into my seat. Yes, I fully realize there are several more “flashback” moments that are about to enter my life. So I will take them all in stride and perhaps laugh or cry;) As I sit down to dinner now completely thrown off by the company next to us I start eating with my left hand (I am right handed) as I tried to hide my newish tattoo from my Dad (yes I reverted to feeling like his childhood daughter)…as food was spilling on me I thought how ridiculous it was. Of course he was going to see it eventually. He finally noticed it the next day as I was reaching for the turkey while at the grocery store with him….I simply looked at him and said “Dad, it is a part of me that has gotten me through some tough times and is a guiding light”….he never mentioned it again thank god:)
Day two consisted of me finding a new gym…50 is real folks, this is where the “mid life maven” weight lifting trainer extraordinaire enters. My sister in law convinced me to start this new weight training program so I finally conceded. So there I am ….at my new gym thinking I am looking pretty damn good…lifting my weights…looking around….taking my new surroundings all in while this gentleman walks up to me with beautiful green eyes and says “excuse me miss”….now in my mind I am thinking he is about to compliment me on my strength or physique…instead he says “I don’t mean to interrupt but your weights and form are all wrong….you will get hurt” - push the deflate button. Thanks buddy, didn’t need your advice - however he was right…I asked him his name “Robert, thank you I said” - who knows perhaps Robert and I will become friends one day:)
The blessings I will welcome each and every day….I get to be near family, spend quality time with my Dad, be where I feel the closest to my Mom. I was outside one morning in the driveway and a couple walked by and said to me “are you the daughter?” I told them I was and they said they met my Mom one day by the mailbox and said they walked by our house often. The woman looked at me and said “each time I walk by your house it reminds me of a beautiful nest” this struck me….. it is a beautiful and loving nest. It is nestled back a bit overlooking the Padanaram harbor. It is filled with love and wonderful memories …and I will do my very best to continue those wonderful memories with my family while my Mom watches over all us with a smile on her face.
Here is to spreading my love, energy, and of course quirkiness….stay tuned…..
With Love,
Jenny
xx